Scatophagous Autocannibal. (Foundation. June 2008)Posted: July 25, 2011
The Scatophagous Autocannibal is kin to Frankenstein’s creation, although instead of bolts at the neck it has the protuberances of a drying rack cut down to form its basic skeleton. Unlike the original, this one will not be brought to life, as far as anyone is aware.
The Scatophagous Autocannibal is born from brain and books. It is both the Empress of Blandings and the Lord of the Flies. The ideas have been consumed and excreted and swallowed again, over and over, in its honour.
Self-sustaining, the Scatophagous Autocannibal must devour its own guts as quickly as possible, gorging itself on its own meat to produce its own meat, celebrating the recycling that brought us bovine spongiform encephalopathy. Fortunately, its head is hollow so it does not suffer.
Perched like an idol, the Scatophagous Autocannibal requires worshippers, even as it is blind, deaf, dumb and bereft of sentience. It is jealous and petulant, and with the jaws of an abyssal gulper eel and an open-plan interior is perfectly capable of consuming ideas, objects and creatures much bigger than itself.
The Scatophagous Autocannibal loves you and it wants to share. You are invited to kiss it or –if available- sample its benevolence.